The Complicated Mother
by Julia Washington
photo by Ryoji Iwata
“the mothers depicted in these books remind us that motherhood is a collection of emotions we often don’t have the opportunity to explore.”
Mother’s Day doesn’t always bring warm and fuzzy feelings for everyone. Television commercials would have you believe that giving birth is the only true and real path to motherhood. But the reality is that motherhood is far more complicated and confusing than that. It exists in a myriad of ways all of which seem to include a layer of shame that should be reserved for something else. As a single mother, I find myself coming up against stereotypes that never fit, because how often do they?
In honor of the complicated existence that is motherhood, I’ve compiled a list of books with complicated mothers who, maybe misunderstood, maybe the judgment is deserved. Regardless, the mothers depicted in these books remind us that motherhood is a collection of emotions we often don’t have the opportunity to explore.
Little Fires Everywhere
by Celeste Ng
When I first read Little Fires Everywhere in 2018, I took to Instagram and said, “Never in my adult life have I read a book that so beautifully and eloquently encapsulates the kind of motherhood I’ve experienced. The story reminds us of the deep complexities of family, relationships, motherhood, and every kind of love.” This remains mostly true.
It’s the 1990s, Shaker Heights, Ohio, and two very different families are brought together by their children. Elena Richardson, a perfectly punctuated wife and mother of two is dutiful and devoted, despite the ways she shows her love to her family. Mia Warren, single mother of one, an artist, and just as devoted of a mother, just not in the way the world is used to. Over the course of the novel secrets are revealed, ideology is challenged, and friendships are tested, not just for the children either.
338 pages, Hardcover, First published September 12, 2017
There Was a Little Girl
by Brooke Shields
What seems like a response to the horrific reputation of her mother Teri Shields, Brooke Shields writes about not only her life as an actress but how her mother played a major in all of it. It’s very clear that Brooke loved her mother dearly, and felt they had a special bond. What’s unclear is how someone like Teri Shields became the woman she was. Brooke speaks of her mother with affection, adoration, and what I think she believes is understanding. I found myself wanting to learn more about Teri; what happened in her life that led her to become the momager, an alcoholic, who was criticized at every turn for how she raised Brooke, and why her father didn’t intervene more when it became clear Teri had an alcohol problem.
So often mothers are vilified for every bad decision when raising their children and there is a strong argument for Teri as such. But Brooke is so content, or at least seems at peace with the way she and her mother live. Originally, I thought how would 2024 Brooke Shields feel about her past life now, but then remembered in the 2023 documentary Pretty Baby: Brooke Sheilds she still seemed adamant in defending her mother, still didn’t quite understand the inappropriateness of her early films. There has yet to be an era where women can fully actualize, especially for single mothers in the 1960s. And while we will never learn about Teri Shields's life before becoming mother to Brooke, I will always wonder about her.
416 pages, Hardcover Published November 18, 2014 by Dutto
Passing
by Nella Larsen
Following the lives and relationships of Clare Kennedy and Irene Redfield, two women who both can pass for white. One passes for convenience, while the other passes as a way of life. These two, once friends in childhood, are reconnected in adulthood when Clare and her husband move to New York. Over the course of the novel we get insight into both their worlds leaving the reader considering their own views on race, class, and womanhood.
While the main themes of this book are not generally associated with motherhood, Larsen captures the concerns of motherhood in a way that isn’t exactly about motherhood, but rather how a child’s appearance may affect the mother’s life. While the main characters of this novel, pass for different reasons, the presence of children is a threat. Though there is no doubt for their love of their children, there is fear of having more because when it comes to genetics, especially in the 1920s, the unknown isn’t worth the risk. These women are navigating a system, a world that has never been designed for their safe existence. Though our perceptions of have changed in some ways, the effects of colorism are still prevalent making Larsen’s observations still relevant today.
160 pages, Paperback First published April 1, 1929
Ready or Not
by Cara Bastone
Living in New York, and working in environmental preservation, Eve Hatch is mostly content with her life until one day she discovers she’s pregnant. Not only does she now have to navigate impending motherhood, but as it turns out this isn’t the only life-changing event but other revelations in her life. Where there was once comfort with her best friend WIlla, she finds distance.
I truly thought this book was going to wreck me even though it’s a contemporary slow-burn friends-to-lovers story. To know me is to know that unexpected pregnancy is what defined the start of my twenties and the differences between Eve and me were glaring. She had a job with an agency she believed in, even though it wasn’t the role she wanted; so while she wasn’t completely established, she was able to take care of herself and do most things an almost thirty-something college grad can do for herself. But this pregnancy cracks open every single relationship in her life in ways she couldn’t have anticipated.
400 pages, Paperback First published February 13, 2024
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