How I, a mother of teenagers, felt watching Euphoria
Photograph by Eddy Chen/HBO
Story by Jennifer Cooper
“The show is a double whammy of empathy and sympathy. It hits hard.”
I know, the memes are gone and the Twitter chatter is over. But people, as the mother of an older teen and one young adult, I couldn’t bring myself to watch Euphoria…until recently.
First, let me tell you it took me over a month to go through all 16 episodes. I watched it in short bursts and the scenes came together like a fever dream, which I’ve been told isn’t all that different than if I’d binged it in one sitting.
There was the carnival episode that Refinery 29 called, “true messy excitement.” A character on a horse, writhing; a chili competition that lead to not one but two confrontations. Oh and then that high school play that had a set with a revolving floor and the budget of a small indie movie. Maybe $10,000 to $25,000. Can you imagine how many rolls of wrapping paper or generic chocolate bars you’d have to sell to fund that production?
Second, I didn’t want to watch it, but then the constant memes, the chatter, it all got to me. I caved to peer pressure. The very thing we were taught as teens not to do.
The first several episodes rocked me.
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Over the years, I have been accused of being an overly sympathetic viewer. It’s true. I cry easily and sometimes have to turn away if a scene includes harm, especially to kids. And in the case of Euphoria, I felt each scene viscerally in my body. My heart rate ramped up, my muscles tensed, and I wanted to scream, “Don’t do it Rue, Jules, Cassie, Maddie, every character on the show!” Because not only do I remember what it was like to be a young person making potentially dangerous choices, I now feel the parental fear for these young characters. Holy shit! Is this my kids’ experience of high school?
So as a parent, the show is a double whammy of empathy and sympathy. It hits hard.
But by the time I got to the episodes with the famous/infamous play, the illusion that any of this was what kids today universally experience was over. While elements of the series may have been based on creator Sam Levison’s life, there were many things that felt less than authentic.
For instance, Only 1 in 5 public schools in California (where is where Euphoria presumably takes place) has a dedicated teacher for arts programs. Meaning that play that used the arts as a form of self-expression and discovery never would have happened.
Plus, school systems from South Dakota to Texas to Florida are working overtime to erase the reality of the gender and sexuality spectrums. So a play that even hints at a character’s queerness, let alone allow or support a student explicitly dancing out their sexuality would never fly.
And I don’t know a mother who would quietly stand in the background while her child emotionally abused their friends.
But they did get some things right: the depth of emotion; the weight of everything when you’re too inexperienced to handle it; the feeling that all of it is temporary and yet, urgent at the same time.
As a kid growing up in the 80s I was exposed to many things in movies that were completely inappropriate and harmful: misogyny, racism, sexual molestation, bigotry, and bullying. And I’m just talking about 16 Candles. But there’s something glaringly different today than back then, something that made those “fictional” moments feel more self-contained, less real: social media.
There has been a rapid blur between the world of entertainment and reality. And I realized watching Euphoria that my mind is a mess as a result.
It does feel like the stakes are way higher for us and our kids. And I don’t know what we can do except admit we need help. Our children have grown up being exploited by tech and it’s now up to the tech companies to show up for our kids. We can’t do this alone.
In the end though, Euphoria reinforced the fear I have that I don’t think any of us knows what’s really going on with our kids, just like our parents didn’t know what was going on with us. It’s one thing that ties our generations together. Young people need room and space to make mistakes, just like we need room and space to make ours.
And in that respect, maybe the fever dream of Euphoria gets it right after all.