Books to fall in love with ...yourself
image by Christin Hume via unsplash
by Jen Cooper
I am an avid reader. Like, A-V-I-D. Partially because that’s how I learn, and partially because I never think I can know enough. If I’m not careful, that second thing can lead me down a path of self loathing and obscure my view of who I am and who I want to be.
Now, I’m not sure what your trigger is, but I’m pretty sure you got one. How can any of us not? We’re living in a system that teaches us to simultaneously look outside for validation while telling us we’re the only ones responsible for our experience.
Oof! The toxicity. It’s all around us!
Which, leads me to this list of books. These are my favorite books for falling in love with who you are today, not some future version of you or anyone else’s version of you. Because you are gorgeous, and brilliant, and alive now. These books will help you see that even more clearly.
Not a reader? You’re in luck because two of these books have audio versions.
The Tools
Phil Stutz & Barry Michels
Thanks to the Netflix doc Stutz, and the deep celebrity ties the writers of this book have, this one has been making the rounds. Originally published in 2012, The Tools is a collection of 5 techniques that take 30 seconds or less that will help you find courage, creativity, and willpower—and inspire you to live life in forward motion.
What I love about it:
I’ve got a stack of self-help books. Many have been helpful, but none have been this powerful. While the tools rely on visualization, they’re really about focusing on the feelings in your body; helping you reconnect with it and the energy within it. So I think of it as helping you bridge the gap between thinking a thing and embodying it. My husband and I have been reading it together and the shifts we’ve each experienced have been profound.
This ain’t the book for you if:
You’re not cool with spiritual stuff. While it’s not religious per se, it does talk about source and higher powers. So, probably not super effective for skeptics.
The Power of Breathwork: Simple Practices to Promote Wellbeing
Jennifer Patterson
Written by a grief worker who uses breath, herbs, and somatic writing to explore the body and healing, this book offers clearly written step-by-step instructions for 25 meditative breathing exercises that you can do either by yourself or with a partner. I couldn’t find an audio version of this book, so it’s one you’ll need to get a physical copy of, or, the kindle equivalent.
What I love about it:
The only experience I had with breathwork was when I was in labor with my first child. I learned a technique in parenting class and used it to help me through the painful contractions. The nurse, who must have been having a really bad day, said, “Stop that. You’re going to pass out.” She also told me I wasn’t pushing hard enough. (We now know that straining to push is both unnecessary and can be harmful to our bodies. Plus it turns out that I have a pelvis problem so it didn’t matter how hard I pushed anyway.) Needless to say, I had some PTSD when it came to breathwork. Which is a real shame because breathwork is awesome. In her book, Patterson illustrates a number of techniques that can a) help you through some real shitstorms by regulating the parasympathetic nervous system—the system that relaxes you and helps you feel safe and b) help you develop a relationship to your body. That’s major considering all the changes perimenopause & menopause are throwing our way.
This ain’t the book for you if:
You have contraindications such as seizures, cardiovascular issues, aneurisms, pregnancy, or recent surgeries. You might be able to do the exercises, but you’ll definitely want to check with your doctor first.
How To Love
Thích Nhất Hạnh
There’s a lot of love packed into this little pocket guide. Written by the Buddhist monk, Thích Nhất Hạnh, it’s a collection of insights into how to have more fulfilling relationships across the board—including with romantic partners, families, friends, and ourselves.
What I love about it:
For something so tiny, I have carried its messages in my heart. The concept that there are skilled and unskilled people has let me go of anger and resentment entirely. Okay, not entirely but it has helped me be a whole helluva lot easier on myself and others. Now when someone says something that hurts my heart, I think, Okay, they’re simply unskilled. We’re all a work in progress.
This ain’t the book for you if:
You’re not ready to let go of your anger or resentment. I mean, hey, I’ve been there—plus anger can be a useful emotion that’s trying to communicate something to you—so there’s no judgment from me, simply an acknowledgment.
I hope these self love books are as are helpful to you as they’ve been to me. Because you, darling, are worthy of all the love, today and every day!
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