Body Empowerment
by Keri Emme
There’s no ifs, ands, or buts about it: as women, we’re conditioned to hate our bodies.
Even if you grew up in the most loving, body-positive home, the moment you saw a movie, watched network TV, or looked at a magazine cover in the checkout line, you started absorbing the idea that your body is wrong. (And let’s be honest, chances are that, like most of us, you didn’t grow up in a body-positive home)
When we’re young, it’s easy to absorb this messaging. As kids we’re still learning how the world works and we’re soaking up information to figure out how best to navigate our life.
From day one, our lifelong mission is clear: We are to spend our time here on earth desperately searching for a way to correct our body.
Eventually there comes a time when we start to let go of some of the toxic messaging we’ve absorbed. As part of the unlearning process we start searching for movements that will support us as we let go of the beliefs that have been holding us back. Beliefs like:
The worst thing you can be is fat
Your cravings are wrong
You have to look perfect to have your picture taken
A workout must be painful to be beneficial
As we start to realize how damaging these pervasive beliefs can be, it seems natural that we fall into the open and compassionate arms of Body Positivity.
The basic tenant of Body Positivity is that all bodies are beautiful. How you are built is beautiful. And that feels really good to hear when we’ve spent our lives being told the opposite.
But over time we start to question this movement. Thoughts start to creep in:
“I know I’m supposed to love my body, but I just really hate my flabby arms.”
“How am I supposed to love something I’ve hated for years?”
“Does loving my body shape mean I can’t want to change it?”
“Does wanting to change my body mean I don’t love it?”
We start to wonder if Body Positivity is right for us, and along comes rational, tempered Body Neutrality. Like your best friend’s aloof older brother, Body Neutrality can’t be bothered by all those feelings.
Body Neutrality’s approach tells us that your body simply is. You don’t have to love it, and you don’t have to hate it. It’s a meat-suit that lets you experience life and there is no reason to assign “good” or “bad” feelings to the way it looks. It exists and that’s all that matters.
On the outside this can also feel really empowering. Let’s redirect all this mental energy we expend over how our body looks and just do what we want, regardless of our size and shape. Sign me up! Body Neutrality for the win!
Until you realize this mentality is asking you to deny and suppress very real emotions.
(You let me know when you figure out how to stop having emotions... Except please don’t. I like having emotions.)
So here we are, decades into life, swirling around in a cauldron of Love your body! Change your body! Ignore your body! [insert Charlie Brown screaming]
Now that I’ve sufficiently broken your will to live, I have hopeful news! There is a mentality I’ve found that takes the best bits of both of these movements so you can make them work for you. It’s called Body Empowerment.
You see, Body Positivity and Body Neutrality are small pieces of a larger puzzle; Body Empowerment does a better job at telling the whole story.
Like Body Neutrality, Body Empowerment encourages us to do what we want regardless of how we currently feel about our body, negative, neutral, or positive.
We create a relationship with our body that allows us to pursue the things we want to do, but unlike Body Neutrality, we don’t deny that we may feel a certain way about our bodies while we are out there living life.
Body Empowerment allows us to see the value in our existence, acknowledging that even when insecurities arise, we can take the time to recognize our insecurities and move forward compassionately, rather than pretending we don’t have insecurities.
But the most lovely part about allowing ourselves to feel how we feel is that we get to celebrate our bodies for all the amazing things they do! (Hello, Body Positivity!)
As we move through life doing the things we love, we can tap into gratitude for all the parts of our body that help us do what we do. We will never experience the world outside our bodies. Our bodies are what allow us to move through life, to perceive, to sense, to feel, to do, and to be. There is so much magic in celebrating them.
So how do we achieve Body Empowerment? I’m so glad you asked.
Step One
The first step is tapping into Body Positivity. Grab a sheet of paper, open your notes app, do, crack open that journal. What do you love about yourself? Make a list. Try to name at least 25 things (but don’t stop there if you have more!). Start celebrating those things. Decorate them. Show them off. Get in the habit of thanking your body parts throughout the day.
After decades of self-hate messaging, this practice will help you start to heal your relationship with your body. Over time you’ll start to view your body through a lens of celebration.
But what about those parts that we just can’t be grateful for? The things that we have spent years trying to change, and seem too far gone to ever truly love?
Step Two
Step two is where Body Neutrality comes in to pick up the slack. Practice shifting your focus away from your body and toward the amazing things you want to do in life. Ask yourself the tough questions, like if I weren’t spending my energy on trying to change my body, where else could I put that energy? Meditate, journal, write it all out and light it on fire.
This practice helps you realize the futility of obsessing over our body shape and size. There are so many other things out there to explore, why not focus on those things instead?
Naturally there are going to be parts of our body that we love, because our bodies allow us to feel joy. In those times, lean into Body Positivity. Thank your body. Love on it. The more we practice Body Positivity, the easier it is to tap into it in the future.
For those heavier times when it seems impossible to love a part of your body, acknowledge your feelings. Take the time to witness your insecurities, listen to their message, and have compassion for yourself. You’ve spent years being told that your body needs to be fixed. These insecurities won’t disappear immediately. In fact, they may not ever fully go away. That’s when you can listen to the wisdom of Body Neutrality: How you are built is not wrong. How you are built simply is how you are built.
Body Positivity and Body Neutrality are the vehicles that can take you out of self-hatred and toward Body Empowerment. Choose the one that feels right for you in the moment and don’t be afraid to switch back and forth as needed. Over time and with enough practice you’ll see them start to blend together seamlessly, and that, my loves, is Body Empowerment.