Your life has changed. Here's how to evolve your style to match it.
by Susan Padron
photo by Priscilla Du Preez for Unsplash
“My favorite mantra for my clients is, “You have better options.””
Having a baby changes your life. Of course it does. Your baby starts kindergarten, your life changes. Your baby goes to college, your life changes again. When our lives have these major shifts, it’s not until much later that we get a moment to catch our breath. Then, all of the sudden we realize how much time has passed and just how much we’ve changed over the years.
That’s when you open your closet to get dressed to go out with your girlfriends—now that you have the free time to actually go out!—and you look at your clothes. You stare at them expecting to see something different or maybe for something to stand out to you. But instead of finding anything to wear, you find yourself asking questions like, “Does that top even still fit?” “Oh my gosh, when did I buy that? … oh shit, how many years ago was that?”
Even if your clothes do still fit, you probably don’t feel like wearing them. Why? It’s because they don’t connect with the version of yourself that you are now, in this present moment. It’s a reflection of who you used to be and while she was great, the new you is even better, I promise.
Explore your own sense of independence
Big life transitions that involve our children exploring more of their independence are challenging, because the role that we have played has shifted and we don’t feel it right away.
You don’t notice the change in your relationship dynamic on your kid’s first day of kindergarten or college. There’s an adjustment period for you to start to become familiar with your own sense of independence. But once you’re ready to explore that, that’s when you need to explore yourself and your style too.
When your baby starts kindergarten, you don’t have to buy clothes around your kid’s needs and behavior anymore. You can buy those “dry clean only” fabrics because you don’t have to limit yourself to clothes that can be washed easily if something is spilled on it. You can wear clothes that might have a more scandalous neckline, because wardrobe malfunctions while picking up the baby are a concern of the past.
When your baby starts college, you can plan your nights and weekends around what you want to do. (What do you want to do?) You also don’t have a teenager living in your house anymore who could share their unsolicited opinions about what you wear. Teenagers have a way of filling our minds with self doubt sometimes. So, ask yourself, what do you want to wear?
What do you like to wear?
Have you asked yourself that question recently? If you’re feeling really uncomfortable asking yourself that question, let’s unpack that. Do you struggle to come up with an answer about what you like to wear, because of how you feel about your body right now? Is it because of the clothes you currently own? It could be a combination of the two.
But, lucky for you, I have an easy solution: Clean out your closet. Before you groan and eye roll at me, I can help make it easy for you.
Charlie Harris for Unsplash
You have better options!
First, there is no rule that says you have to clean your entire closet in one day. Do one section (just tops, or just pants, etc.) at a time, so you’ll feel accomplished without feeling overwhelmed.
As you go through each section, take all of those items out of your closet and put them on your bed. Go through each one and ask yourself the following questions:
Does it fit?
Do I love it?
Is it sentimental?
If it fits, great! Move on to question number two, “Do I love it?” If you’re able to answer “Yes” for both question one and two, then put it back in your closet! If you don’t like how it looks on you, you do not need to keep it. I don’t care how much it costs, if the tags are still on it, if it was a gift—none of that matters if you’re not wearing it. My favorite mantra for my clients is, “You have better options.” I want you to start saying that to yourself, especially if you find yourself getting depressed because your clothes no longer fit you.
If it doesn’t fit, still go on to question two. If it doesn’t fit, but you do still love it, this is an important learning opportunity for you. What do you love about that piece of clothing? Is it the color, how your body used to look in it, how it made you feel, the touch of the fabric? The answers to those questions will help you to shop and find a great replacement for it; one that does fit!
Getting Sentimental
Now, let’s talk about sentimental pieces. This is where a lot of my clients get confused. Examples of sentimental pieces are things like clothes you wore to your wedding, pieces that belonged to a deceased loved one, or heirlooms. Sentimental does not mean an entire stack of graphic t’s from work or college. If you want to keep that stack of t-shirts, consider repurposing them for working out, loungewear, or you could even frame the really special ones.
Once you’ve gone through your closet—or a section of it—look at what’s left. Try to find similarities in the remaining pieces.
Are they the same style?
Do you prefer a specific neckline?
Are they a similar color palette?
What brands are they?
Answering those questions will guide you towards helping you to find your current style preferences. It will make shopping a lot easier too!
If all of that sounds daunting and overwhelming, allow me to recommend you book a “Love Your Closet” session with me so we can do this together. Instead of asking yourself all of those questions, I can help you to see how the dots connect with your clothes.
We’ll even create outfits using the clothes that get to go back in the closet, so you’ll feel inspired again by the pieces you like to wear. You’ll have a gorgeous closet, a defined personal style, lots of new outfits (created with your current clothes), and a stronger sense of self.
And that is the best style of all.
Read more:
Why didn’t anyone tell me an empty nest would feel like this?
This therapist shares how to rediscover your authentic self as you head into empty nesting
