3 things I wish I knew before I got pregnant
by Lesline Pittman
photo by Mustafa Omar for Unsplash
“I’m an overachiever and accomplish every single thing I put my mind to. Why couldn’t I give birth the way humans are naturally supposed to?”
I recently had a client ask me how my pregnancy journey was, so because I’m a millennial I decided to create a post to hopefully help more people who are planning to become parents.
At 36 weeks pregnant, I decided I wanted to have a natural birth. Crazy, right? And I had no friends or family to confide in. Being a Registered Nurse as well added to my shame of even wanting a natural birth. I thought I was in the wrong for wanting this type of birth since I hadn't learned about it in school.
I had pregnancy brain bad, especially during my last trimester.
I was nesting so much that last trimester. I wanted everything to be perfect, especially my birth.
I frantically started researching birthing centers near me and home birth options. I even stumbled across Hypnobirthing and signed my husband and me up for classes offered at the birthing center we ended up choosing.
Unfortunately, I was not able to have the home birth I wanted. As I reflect on that moment I know it was because I was not mentally ready to fully receive Hypnobirthing. There were SO many mental blocks I had, (still have!) and I have no shame saying that now. But at the time I remember feeling so frustrated with myself. I’m an overachiever and accomplish every single thing I put my mind to. Why couldn’t I give birth the way humans are naturally supposed to? I felt defeated. And what’s worse is 18 months after having my son, I had the same birth story again. Literally. My daughter pooped in my belly and I had to be rushed to the hospital for ANOTHER emergency c/s. Like, really?
In 2020 I decided I needed to process all of this trauma I had been through. So I decided to invest in a life coach and a therapist simultaneously.
Through therapy and life coaching, I am in a better place mentally, but there’s still a lot of shit I am working through. I used to feel shame for admitting this, especially because I am also a Certified Yoga Instructor, so I’m supposed to have my shit together, right?
So back to my birth story with my first child:
I had an emergency c/s due to my water breaking and it being green. My son pooped in my belly and that put both me and him at risk so I had to go under. I was terrified y’all.
I remember panicking once I went into the sterile, cold room. The surgery team was cool and let me listen to Beyonce, but the entire time they were cutting me open I was shaking. Shaking.
My husband was right there next to me and couldn’t do a thing. We both felt incredibly helpless.
Even though I felt helpless in that moment I am grateful for the care team that I created.
Which is the first thing I would tell any mom to be. Create your care team.
Yes, if you end up going to the hospital to birth your baby you will have an assigned care team, but you must have your own.
So what does that look like?
1) Make sure you have a partner. This could be a life partner, friend, just someone that you can confide in during this new tranisition. Like I said earlier, pregnancy brain is REAL and you need someone who will not judge you and have your back NO MATTER WHAT.
2) A doula - I highly recommend having a doula even if you choose to have a scheduled c/s. You still need the support as well as your partner's support to have a great birthing experience. I remember after the doctors rushed in saying I needed to have the c/s my doula came to the rescue and advocated for me by telling the doctors to step out of the room so my husband and I could discuss what was about to happen. I will never forget that moment. Most insurances do not cover doula services, but it’s always worth a shot of calling your insurance to see.
So after you have the baby you need help. Some people like to be alone with their partner and sweet baby those first few days, but it’s still important that you have a friend or family on call to bring you food and do laundry, and chores around the house. Especially if you have a c/s like I did, you cannot lift anything heavier than your baby or drive for those 6 weeks postpartum. It is rough if you do not have a partner and community physically around you. So start gathering your people now. And notice I did not say family. Trust I get it, sometimes family is not the best support so start buildling your chosen tribe now. Even if you're not having kids for a couple years. Like the famous quote goes "You want to stay ready so you don’t have to get ready."
3) PHYSICAL THERAPY!!! This is THE MOST important thing. And I am so happy my midwife recommend physical therapy for me postpartum. I'm not gonna lie, I feel like that is part of my bounce back 😉 I know bounce back gets a bad rap these days. But I’m so much more in love with my body now versus before having kids. Your girl got a DONK now- LOL!
After my 6-week postpartum check up, sex was not comfortable. Mind you I didn’t have a vaginal birth, but there was still a lot of trauma that happened in my uterus and lower pelvic area. I expressed this to my midwife at my 6-week check up and she recommended physical therapy.
In physical therapy, we worked on making sex more enjoyable again by putting dildos in my vagina. I also did a lot of core work with the physical therapist. And made sure to do all of the exercises she recommended I do at home. That included having my husband put the dildos in my vagina. These sessions with the physical therapist lasted about 6 weeks.
The type of physical therapist you want is a Pelvic Floor Physical Therapist.
Giving birth, c/s or vaginally can be traumatic. Just like after a car accident, you get physical therapist, the same thing applies after giving birth. But for whatever reason this is something you don’t hear enough about. So make sure you ask your doctor in that last trimester for more information and get a referral to see a Pelvic Floor Physical Therapist!
What other tips would you recommend to a first-time mom?
Lesline is an award-winning Business Owner. Lesline is a Registered Nurse, Certified Yoga Teacher, and Certified Life Coach. And she is a mom to a 5-year-old boy and 3-year-old girl, Lesline understands the challenges of motherhood. Through virtual yoga classes and 1:1 coaching, Lesline helps busy moms reduce stress, find inner peace, and prioritize self-care. Her impactful work has earned recognition on AfroTV. Lesline loves giving back to her community by serving on Women on The Rise as the Director of the Orlando chapter, which is a non profit that empowers girls and woman in the Central Florida community.
You can follow her on Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn, YouTube, & TikTok.
Read more:
It’s time we kill the Kegel Hype
Join the Jennifer Magazine membership: jen X
exclusive content | sponsor deals | free tickets to monthly events