Finding Home in Another Land
Photography & Video by Koseli Cummings
Text by Jennifer Cooper
“The world is so much bigger than I ever feel like it is.”
There’s a moment when it happens. Usually, things feel off; not quite right. There’s a longing, or boredom, or perhaps a fear. So you open a new tab and Google: How can I move to [insert country of your choice here]?
The promise of a fresh start, or at least a fresh location. A new home.
It’s a dream many have. Perhaps it’s deeply embedded in our DNA, an echo left over from ancestors. Maybe it was subconsciously embedded by Hollywood or romantic novels or the knowledge that artists across the centuries found their personal and artistic freedom by moving abroad.
However the idea got there, many of us dream of life, at least for a while, in another land.
The first time I considered it was in high school when I was briefly obsessed with Hemingway. I had just read A Farewell to Arms and hadn’t yet discovered what a complete disaster he was in real life.
But the allure was there. Artists have frequently left the U.S. and found it deepened their understanding of the world and their place in it. Josephine Baker was one such creative. Maya Angelou was another. Liz Gilbert left to find herself, as did Diane Lane’s character in Under the Tuscan Sun.
People emigrate for a number of reasons. Job opportunities, love, a change of pace. And while we know some of the reasons people leave, the truth is that even while many dream, most don’t actually take the leap.
I’ve been talking about it for years. But things get more complicated when you have children. Moving yourself somewhere seems difficult, but an entire family? For writer Koseli Cummings, finding home in a new country is the adventure she’s been dreaming of.
While she has lived in various places across the U.S.—Salt Lake City, New York City, the Bay Area of northern California—she hasn’t lived outside of the U.S. That is, until now. She and her family are packing up to make a new home in Seoul, South Korea.
I caught up with her right before her family left the U.S. to ask about the challenges of such a big move, along with what she hopes her kids get out of growing up abroad.
This interview is part of our series on the meditations, insights, and the shifting nature of home—what we grew up thinking home meant, what we think it is now, and how we find it in ourselves.
Koseli! Tell me about this move. Did you always think you’d live outside the U.S. at some point in your life?
Yes, I’ve always thought about it. Before I was born, my parents moved to Norway to live for five years. My dad is a doctor and ran a clinic there. That experience totally altered the trajectory of our family and family culture.
How so?
I grew up in the suburbs of Salt Lake City. We had a one-acre garden, wide open spaces; we ran wild in the best way, but it also wasn’t a typical Mormon household in a lot of ways. I guess I’d describe my mom as a hippie Mormon. She says she’s not a feminist but she’s liberated.
A lot of Mormon homes, at least back then, had a certain style. Meanwhile my house was filled with antiques from Norway. My mom’s view of herself, combined with the furniture, along with the smell and feel of our home made our family culture a bit different compared to others in the community.
“Before I was born, my parents moved to Norway to live for five years. That experience totally altered the trajectory of our family and family culture. ”
Speaking of culture, you’ve lived in what I’d consider very different areas within the U.S., culturally speaking. Have you ever experienced culture shock?
Definitely. I grew up in the suburbs of Salt Lake City but also lived on both coasts for 12 years—six years in New York and six years in the Bay Area. To move from Intermountain West to New York East culture was shocking. Everyone was yelling all the time. I would cry. And then there was an assertiveness with East Coast women. They weren’t going to let you guess what you were thinking, they’d tell you.
Now, you’re leaving us.
I love being American and the U.S. But I do feel so relieved to be leaving. Any support I had leading up to the pandemic fell away overnight. There were no hands to help. I lost my job. My husband, Keenan, lost his job. I’m just so happy to go to a place that is taking the virus seriously*, that’s keeping families safe. The priority here should have been kids.
[*Jennifer’s note: I spoke with Koseli before the changes in administration and approach to managing the pandemic.]
Any fears about the move?
Keenan speaks fluent Korean so that’s not my worry and nothing is scarier than living here watching the COVID-19 numbers double. But I guess a fear is that it could not work out, but honestly, I’m not really scared.
There’s a lot of emotion when we leave a place. And the place you’re leaving has gone through one of the most epic transitions of our lifetimes. What feeling is coming up most for you right now?
I still feel hopeful. It’s just a jumble right now though. I won’t be able to see anyone from here for a few years. I mean, no one wants anyone from the U.S. right now coming into their country. But mostly, I feel relief. I don’t feel like I’m stuck in the in-between time anymore.
Leaving a place sometimes gives us a perspective we didn’t have before. Kind of like looking in a rearview mirror. You see where you’ve been in a whole new light. What do you notice about American culture now that you’re seeing it from that shifted perspective?
I don’t know if I can answer this yet. But I have felt that before, and it was always during the redeye flight landing at JFK. The world is so much bigger than I ever feel like it is. It feels like every day is minute to minute and that’s not a way to live. It’s not healthy to not be dreaming of a bigger future or making plans or seeing the world. I’ve gotten really narrow-minded in a lot of ways and everything feels really small right now. I can’t wait for it to feel different.
When will you know that you feel at home in your new place?
I think I’ll feel it right away. I’m going with my family and they’re home to me. I can be home anywhere as long as they’re there. But I am also taking my favorite candle because smells are really important to me, and I’m bringing my favorite bedding. I’m also taking a couple pieces of artwork I want to see everyday.
“We’re really going to stick out because there aren’t a lot of foreigners there, but only good will come out of any awkward questions they get. Especially being white males, it’s not going to hurt them to be in that situation. They’re going to get their butts kicked and it’s going to be so good for them.”
What do you want people to know about uprooting your family and moving to another country?
Oof! I don’t even know what I’m feeling. I guess I’d say, “Why not do it?” The pattern that’s shown itself since Keenan and I got married is that when we do things before we’re ready, it still usually works out. We really want to live abroad and we want our kids to have that experience with us.
Your kids. They’ll be in the minority there not speaking the language and being from the U.S.
We’re really going to stick out because there aren’t a lot of foreigners there, but only good will come out of any awkward questions they get. Especially being white males, it’s not going to hurt them to be in that situation. They’re going to get their butts kicked and it’s going to be so good for them. It’s character building and they’ll be fine.
All right! Are you ready for it, this big move?
Honestly, whenever I feel overwhelmed I remember this is the chance of a lifetime. There’s a world outside our own and it’s spectacular.
You can sign up for Koseli’s Substack here to get her writing delivered right to your inbox. Subscribe to her podcast, Little Things where she hosts conversations about creativity, culture at large, and life in Korea. You can also follow her on instagram @koselicummings to see how she and her family are finding home in Korea. Also, check out her Medium essay: The Email that Got Me a Six Figure Job After Seven Years as a SAHM. It’s about embracing vulnerability and celebrating the power of our communities to help us when we need it most.