A Cure for the Holidaze Blues
by Holly Holt
photo by Aaron Burden for Unsplash
Let’s be real, the holidays are not always happy and bright for everyone. We live human lives. Things like memories, shame, and expectations can make this time of year unbearable for many.
So, we put up lights. We have parties. We wrap presents in gaudy, glittery wrapping paper that only exists in Christmas Tree Land and Las Vegas. And some of us go on a guilt binge realizing that all year we neglected to volunteer at the soup kitchen or give a blanket to a homeless person or support a family in need. We try to do all our “do-gooding” during the already too-busy month of December.
Honestly, I used to be the biggest Scrooge on the block because the holidays felt heavy. I felt the (self-imposed) weight of having to do it all.
Things Like:
Buy presents for the whole extended family (even when my tiny family was struggling financially)
Have the perfectly decorated house
Do all the “traditional” things like cook a big meal of food I don’t even like that much (even though I wanted to make my own traditions)
Volunteer at the soup kitchen even though they probably don’t need extra hands in December
Not look at my own feelings of overwhelm, guilt, and resentment
Sound familiar? If you feel like you are trying to earn straight As in selflessness every holiday season, you are in good company. As women, we are taught to sacrifice our own needs at the altar of service. As Americans, we are taught to “stay busy” at all costs.
However, if you stop and listen, the natural world is telling us another story. The days leading up to Winter Solstice invite us to go internal, to reflect. The quiet darkness lays itself down over our world, a shawl that can feel alternately comforting and nerve-wracking. “Not enough hours in the day. Too much night!,” we bawl. We are afraid of the dark. And the darkness outside welcomes us to look at those dark places on the inside, and who wants to do that? Not me, not us.
“As women, we are taught to sacrifice our own needs at the altar of service. As Americans, we are taught to “stay busy” at all costs.”
Not until it all becomes too much and we collapse from exhaustion and grief. For me, it started to change over 25 years ago when my mother’s best friend–an artist, a true creative spirit who lived life on her terms, my non-biological aunt–died. Her example was a spark, although I didn’t have the courage to change until years later.
Over time, I started giving myself permission to do life in a new way, particularly when it came to the holidays. It took a few years to get into this new rhythm. But now, instead of racing around trying to please everyone at the expense of my own sanity and health, I give myself the gift of one whole day in November or December to rest, to reflect, to write.
Slowing down when the world is asking you to speed up is an act of resistance and reclamation. I’ve noticed that when I give myself time to actually be quiet during this quiet season, I am able to exist more fully in the light of the celebrations. When I take time to reflect on my year and how I want my life to feel, I am able to truly give the best part of myself to those I love.
The truth is, I can be a bundle of nerves when I don’t listen to what nature is trying to tell me. And right now nature is saying:
Be. Quiet.
So before you over-schedule your holidays, imagine.
What if…
What if you just stopped? What if you walked the dog or read a book? What if you took the time to reflect on your year and wrote out how you want next year to feel? What if you lied down on the floor and cried for your imperfect self, for those you have lost, for those who are in pain?
What if you let yourself be?
